What a fine plan it was...

Having just finished Premee Mohamed's The Butcher of the Forest, I'm overthinking how love of horror works. The People in the forest aren't ever named fairy or fae or whatever, but this definitely fits into fae horror/dark fantasy. So as I was trying to come up with a review I realized that fae horror is one of my favorite subgenres and then I started to think about where the conflicts come in those kinds of stories... And its essentially, it's all about not being to trust any of your senses and you can't trust anything anyone says to mean what you think it does. In fact, you can't even trust your OWN words to mean what you think they do. And even though you can't trust what you perceive, you've got to be on high alert at all time trying to spot hints to prove the thing you know is an illusion really IS an illusion because... well, what if it ISN'T this time and it's exactly what you need? Like, isn't that the most anxious of circumstances? In some ways even more scary than the fact they could magic you into some incomprehensible thing... because you can't quite understand that part anyway. 

But then, isn't that also just like real life most of the time? Even the people who aren't playing games have all kinds of hidden messages and are so ready to look for nonexistent messages in everything you say... So, do I like far horror because those beings are creepy as heck if they aren't your fairy godmother or do I enjoy it because I have some level of social anxiety/confusion? :P

Well, almost two months since I last posted because, once again, I think about writing more than I actually do it.  As per usual, life has been busy.  To start with, today sucks.  My Jeep vanished from where I parked it on the street.  Presumably stolen.  I can't say the police gave me a lot of confidence.  I called in around 7:30 and the report "will probably be filed by the end of the day" and the most important thing is to answer my phone no matter when they call, because if they find it and I don't get it ASAP, it gets impounded for its protection and I get charged.  I am amazed at how many things victims of crimes get charged for by the police department...  The officer I spoke to honestly sounded apologetic and a bit embarrassed about that.  People are kind, but I must say I am a bit tired of hearing, "Call your insurance! Full coverage will help with theft."  My car is over 20 years old...  I do not have full coverage.  I can't afford car payments and expensive insurance.

As to why my car was on the street instead of in the garage...  Well, it didn't seem like a big deal and I've let a friend move into my basement and we are in the process of moving his stuff over.  It was easier to stage it in the garage and move it in slowly while I move my furniture out of the basement.  I've been using it as basically the living room/den.  At least the move seems to be working out well so far.  It's a week in and he hasn't driven me insane yet, haha.  We get along really well and have been pretty good about taking turns cooking.

To jump back in time to after the Seattle trip, things that have happened since:

• Dua Lipa concert!  It was very cool, though very big and I'm not sure I care to do a giant concert again where people look about the size of Smurfs on stage.
• Final Fantasy VII remake soundtrack with the Colorado Symphony -- utterly beautiful and fun.  Though the fire alarm went off and it's good it was a false alarm, because we would have burned since most people just stood up and talked in the aisles.
• Planning for an American Library Association presentation in DC.  Scary.  But I am working with fun people.
• Saw the Tootsie musical.  I didn't really love it.  I found his level of lying pretty unforgiveable.
• Went to the Florida panhandle with Joe and had a fun trip.
• Starting writing for Novelist and Library Journal (and getting paid!).

And, coming up: StokerCon!  I probably will not attend the regular conference in person (though I would love to see Wendy N Wagner and get some autographs!) but at least on Librarian's Day they have Alma Katsu!  So excited to hear her speak!  And the virtual version of the rest of the conference isn't so bad...  ($50 bucks vs $300).  Anyway, I'll have to decide soon what to do...

When I lived in Oklahoma it was so easy to just run up to Colorado for a long weekend so I pretty much never had any PTO.  These days...  I'm always worried about what needs done and quick trips seem hard...  So here I am with over 200 hours.  And I've decided that I need more trips.  AND I had Cirque du Soleil credits for two seats at a COVID cancelled show...  And a bunch of airline credits from cancelled flights...  which leads to me going to Seattle with a buddy to see Alegria and let him explore town.  And maybe I'll have to do more of these.  I still have like $250 bucks in tickets to use.  And there are road trips and a million places to visit or revisit.  I need to goooooooooo.  The stationary life gets me way too antsy.

Otherwise, getting my application for the Library of Congress job in today and, since it is basically the same one, maybe for a Park Service librarian in Fort Collins...  It can't hurt, right?  Just making some opportunities in case they are needed.

I don't want to let a whole month go by without posting, so here goes!  It's actually been quite a good month.  I'm finally getting some stimulation!  Two different sets of friends had extra tickets to concerts and asked me to go along -- I guess that's partly the benefit of everyone knowing I love live music and of being single, so I can do a solo extra ticket?  At any rate, that meant I got to go to Red Rocks twice this month -- Lindsey Stirling and Bonobo and electronic friends (whatever you call the genre now...).  Both were great shows and I do love being at Red Rocks, even if the venue has some major cons to go with the awesome view.  There was also a local rendition of Carousel (that was a weird musical...) and just various fun times with friends.  

That, combined with my favorite songs of the month -- Rather Be by Rat City,  Dancing On My Own by Elle Fanning, and Back Home by Owl City -- kind of have me thinking about how good my life is when I'm solo.  (yes, I get Dancing On My Own is actually about being all sad the fellow isn't noticing her, but the music is so good and I'm rather enjoying dancing on my own around the house)  The last few times I dated anyone it seemed like I spent a lot of time NOT doing things that make me happy.  In fact, I'm still getting the effects of some of that because there are people that rely on me to help them have a good week or whatever...  But I'm also practicing being here for myself more.  Like, yeah, I'll sacrifice some nights to people if I have the bandwidth but I'm also making sure I am having nights for myself when needed too -- whether that is a concert or a night with a book.  (speaking of books, I'm shocked that Goodreads has me as twenty plus books ahead of my year's goal...  I feel like I haven't read anything at all this year).

My work colleagues continue to be great and tonight we're having our first out of work hangout.  My newest coworker is throwing an end of the world party and we're all going.  We'll see how long I stay, since, as you all know, me and lots of strangers don't mix so well...  But still, it'll be nice to help support her first party in Colorado. :) 

We got a giant box of tarot cards from Llewellyn at work (for free) so we've been experimenting with them before we release them to the public.  Oddly, pretty much every reading I've got with the ten or so decks so far have said pretty much the same thing: I have a big decision to make or I need to think about leaving something major behind (like a job or a relationship).  It's become the running joke at work that I'm secretly applying for something else (I am not).

We're also adding more instruments to our collection -- mostly stringed this time around, so everything from ukuleles to mandolins and even a Persian dulcimer.  I think our customers are going to love it.

I am so hoping things don't have to start shutting down again...  I have a wedding to go to in Oklahoma in September and a conference in Madrid in October and, of course, still hoping Japan opens up to visitors so I can see my parents...

2020 may have noticed I haven't had quite enough bad luck yet and decided to sprinkle some my way.  So, the re-examination of the Jeep troubles resulted in a much higher bill.  Then I got a fever over the weekend -- about 102 -- that lasted into Tuesday.  That was made more fun by a water main bursting in the neighborhood so that I had no water for much of Monday.  Tuesday I was feeling better to work, so I was trying to do that in the afternoon and then...  something went wrong with the internet in the neighborhood so that was mostly a bust.  I was trying to minimize how much PTO I need to use in case it's COVID... because, by the county guidelines, if you have two symptoms then you can't go to work until you're cleared.  And, of course, you don't just have a fever alone.  So body aches and headache are both on the list of symptoms.

I wasn't able to get scheduled for a test until this afternoon, but it was surprisingly not unpleasant.  They used a different nose swab than the one everyone said was super uncomfortable. (this was fifteen rotations inside each nostril and not far in at all)  They say I will have results within 24 hours, so hopefully it's negative, my headache is gone tomorrow, and I can work on Friday!  I get antsy when I can't leave the house.

On the other hand, a friend joked that if I DO have COVID, then I've skated by with an incredibly mild case and I'll supposedly be immune for a little bit and then I can actually go to the zoo and botanic gardens and a brewery and...

Not that the week was all bad.  Despite being fevered, I had a bunch of online meetings.  I know people don't like those, but these all were pretty fun and/or interesting.  Monday morning we had a work book club where some of us read Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia.  The discussion was great and I definitely appreciate a novel that makes you wonder what side of the line between "crazy, inbred European colonizer wannabes" or "chthonic malevolent god" the horror will land on.  Some of the book club members were disappointed that the book didn't have more Mexico in it, but I thought it was brilliant.  Sure, it's set in Mexico and she could have dealt with Mexican horror (as she does in some of her other work), but here she was playing with classic horror -- Poe and Lovecraft and Blackwood and friends -- where so much of evil has to do with bloodlines and lineages.  And, of course, those lineages are tainted by things...  poverty or "duskiness" -- whether native or Italian or "gyspy" or whatever, depending on the line that author drew between "us" and "them."  Or, I guess, in all reality, mostly likely between "them" and "us" because I'm certainly not on the purebred, pale European side of the chasm!

Later that day we had a virtual meeting with the Committee.  Typically, those who go to to our midyear conference say hi there and the rest of don't meet until the winter one.  Obviously, both of those were cancelled.  So, particularly as we have a lot of first years on the committee, we decided to have an online meet and greet and it was lovely and did a great job of making us understand each other better.  I think every year I've been on the committee there is at least one person who makes people nervous because we fear they'll be... difficult... because of how they come across online.  But every time, once we meet face to face, all is good.  Well, barring individual conflicts, but as far as the committee going smoothly and getting along as a group it works.

The other meetings I had this week were more along the lines of meeting people pushing products on us, but the ones this week were actually fun, interesting, and things I'd like us to use.

The kitten, Miles (Vorkosigan) MacGuffin, continues to be a little sweetheart.  Sometimes a bit too much, because I don't always need a cat in my face. (he's decided he wants to be a shoulder cat)  He might be part skunk, though, because, oof, those kitten farts...  death...  He and Deimos are cordial if they MUST meet to spend time with me, but primarily Miles MacGuffin stays in the basement and Deimos stays on the upper floor.  There have been some cuddle attempts from the kitten, but Deimos remains aloof... other than the time he grabbed Miles' head with both paws and pretended to bite him top center.  So I guess even if they don't decide to be cuddle buddies, we don't seem to be heading to a Western "this house isn't big enough for the both of us" situation.  Mr. MacGuffin is also fascinated by the ferrets.  He won't get too close, but when they are shut in their cage for the night he sometimes just sits nearby, head cocked, staring.  You can totally see his little brain trying to figure out what they are.

And really, I guess that's about it for excitement this week.  Otherwise it's reading (House of Whispers by Laura Purcell and some excellent queer-touched Weird West tales recommended by Charles Payseur), some tv watching (Lovecraft Country) and some video games (Animal Crossing, Divinity: Original Sin, and The Missing: J.J. MacField and the Island of Memories).  That last one...  Maybe I shouldn't have played all in one day when my fever was at its highest.  Ha.  So, it's billed as being kind of like Limbo or Inside, which are two games I absolutely love.  Morbid, mysterious, fun puzzle games with a narrative to puzzle out.  And, this hits all of those.  Some of the movement and pacing is a bit wonky and it is... disturbing.  I'm not sure I would have kept going if I hadn't been unwilling to get up because my head was feeling so wonky.  In the game, J.J. dies pretty early on and gets this mysterious ability to regenerate.  But to solve certain puzzles, you sometimes (and increasingly often) have to injure her to do so.  Like, maybe if you're more than a head you can't fit where you need to go or you need to set yourself on fire so you can go burn something down.  And it isn't pleasant for her, so definitely was for me.  I cringed a lot.  But, I guess, in addition to the fever immobility, I also had an inkling of the end game and thought perhaps there was a point to the self injury.  And the game mostly delivered there.  So I'd recommend it, but only to very particular people.  The content warnings are certainly important, but it's been interesting to see a number of queer voices find the game quite cathartic. (and heart wrenching)

I haven't really got anything too important to say.  I'm doing fine and my employers are doing what they can to keep us safe.  I have all my basic needs met and my one buddy continues to hang out once a week or so, which makes sure I don't feel too absolutely isolated.  We've had a couple small adventures, but not much because, you know, social distancing even if much of the state is done with that.  It's been nice to see some articles come out about the disconnect for people who are still distancing vs. the slew of people who have taken the lessening strictures as a sign everything is done with.  It lets me know I'm not the only one.  (well, I also have very sensible coworkers who also live in the area so they see the same things I do)

Several of my shows have been postponed until next year and, of course, many things have been canceled.  I'm keeping some of my next year's tickets, but getting refunds for others.  It just feels too far in the future to know if I'm available that day and, of course, refund deadlines are pretty immediate so goodbye Lindsey Stirling, but I'm keeping Cirque du Soleil!  I've decided I want to do at least one big genre book convention next year.  WorldCon with the Hugos would be amazing and that's in DC!  And then I found out StokerCon will be in Denver, so that's a must, particularly as Silvia Moreno-Garcia is one of the main guests!

My committee work this month is in one of its especially busy times as I'm reviewing the nominations in the four genres I was assigned.  That ended up being 38 books this time around, but luckily I'd already read a decent number of them.  I'm down to 7 and a half books to go and my genres this time were Fantasy, Horror, Historical, and Relationship Fiction.  I'm still having a hard time with a lot of the overly chipper stuff, so definitely glad I don't have to do Romance until the next round.  I fear our Horror offerings are not going to be great.  I'm the closest to a horror fan in the group, but I have very particular tastes.  Some of the others are so anti-horror that they've nominated things no regular reader of the genre would think is horror.  (pro-tip: just because there is one mean ghost in the book does not make a novel horror.  Particularly if it just slams the occasional door while a mystery plot is happening)

Once again I seem to be the odd one out on one...  The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue.  Its premise is that there is a woman who can't be remembered once she is out of sight.  That is a very cool premise.  The problem is that it's the exact same premise as The Sudden Appearance of Hope -- except that one is a much more interesting book so I couldn't care less about Addie freaking LaRue.  There are differences.  Hope is otherwise a normal person in a bit of a thriller plot, Addie was given this curse by an old god and so is also basically immortal until she decides she can't take it any more and gives him her soul... which could be a fun plot.  But 28% in and she basically just wanders around and mopes.  And yes, she has reason to.  But I'm reading a book, so at least she could mope interestingly...?  And it's not a short book, so 28% is like 130 pages or so.  A new character just showed up and he... also mopes.  For unclear reasons.  And glitter may be involved?  I can't figure out if he is actually a bit more interesting or if it's just that he's a break between Addie wandering around.  Moping amidst relatively lovely, distant language.  I can't even hate read the book.  I have zero passion for it any direction.  It's just there.  And mopey.

There have been some excellent reads, though.  The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune is a particular delight as a queer fantasy novel published by Tor.  It's got a bit of a Harry Potter feel in that there is a secret magic house with children.  It has a little romance.  It's got a lot of humor, even if the initial setting is painted in dreariness -- by design, not by boringness.  It reads just fine.  Think of the film Dark City where all is cloaked in, well, darkness, until you find the beach. 

I'm taking a bit of a break with a book my friend Erin recommended -- Jo Walton's An Informal History of the Hugos.  It's just her -- very informal -- discussion of Hugo winners and nominees from the first on up to 2000 (she didn't want to go further as her writing career began around there), as well as other existent possibilities.  Apparently those Hugo people didn't love John Wyndham near as much as I did (do?).  Also, I'm pretty sure Walton and I have pretty diverging tastes, so I don't know that I am going to add as much to my TBR pile as my friend did.  For instance, Walton definitely loves Heinlein (who I loved as a kid, but definitely don't seem to as an adult), Clarke (I haven't loved any of the two or three books I read by him), and Dune (I liked the movies, but I was not at all a fan of spending so many pages with all those awful people).  She doesn't like Phillip K. Dick -- intensely doesn't.  But we'll see.  One of the most fun things about the book for me is that it does bring back some really pleasant emotions as I encounter books I loved in the past.  Like, I may hardly remember anything about A Canticle for Leibowitz other than that the saint was an engineer and they hid scientific knowledge in the monastery, but I remember how much I loved the book and how it felt reading in the dorms that early college year and what the college bookstore was like...

It's also shown me that while I've read a lot of the classic science fiction authors, I've also missed a ton.  So much of what I had access to depended on the collections of little libraries in one town or another.  So there is a part of me that wants to delve back into some of the authors I've missed...  But there are also so many new books coming out and many of those won't have problematic elements of the time...  For instance, Erin and I had this fun discussion of Isaac Asimov and his female characters vs. some of his contemporaries.  (we think he did well for his time...  but typically had a long way to go....  plus we both love Susan Calvin even though she has problematic aspects as well)

At any rate, I made it to the 70s in the book.  I imagine the 80s and 90s will have a much higher percentage of authors I've read...  But who knows.  Like I said, a lot depended on what was available wherever we were stationed...